New year is that time where you psych yourself up mentally and emotional for the year ahead. Like many, I take the new year as a fresh start – a clean slate of sorts. All the drama, pain and rollercoasters from the previous year doesn’t matter anymore because this is a NEW YEAR and this is the NEW ME… right!?
I have gone through the motions year after year; thinking about my dreams and aspirations, setting goals and targets, yet within 30-60 days I completely forget about most of them. But somehow I have feelings and hopes that this year will be very different!
For the last few new years, I have always been in a weird space. I don’t have energy to deep dive into the last 4 years but I will touch on last year. 2018 was an interesting year! It felt like the year foundations were laid in my life but it was also the year in which I felt lost!
I Lost The Desire To Blog
A lot of my goals at the beginning of the year were centred around blogging and all the things I wanted to achieve. However I only managed to post 6 blogs posts in 365 days! 6 blogs is all I could give you guys …. (that is soo trash LOL). The saddest thing is that I have a lot of drafted blogs that were never published. Upon reflection I realised the reason for this was comparison and it was stealing my joy. What used to be fun was giving me anxiety where I was constantly thinking about what other bloggers were doing and how my content would be received – will people like it, does anyone care, how many views, how many likes, how many retweets? And so on, and so on…..
Somewhere towards the end of the year I snapped out of it and reminded myself of my uniqueness and greatness. I realised that the edge I have is the fact that I am ME! I got my groove back and somehow (by the grace of God) was still able to achieve amazing things. I’m now super excited about 2019 and what it has to offer, now that I am starting the year having FOUND my place and space as a blogger.
I Lost My Heart
For the first half of the year I lost the ability to love…. To love others and to love myself! I had this ‘fuck it’ blasé mentality to all matters of the heart. My perception of love was completely wrong. I would show others love based on the love I could get in return. Rather than loving wholeheartedly I was withholding love until people around me reached my entry requirements to be able to receive love from me.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
I had to dig deep and realise that being good to others based on how good they are to me is not how a Christian is supposed to behave. I am still a work in progress but I am seeking to define love based on scripture and rooting out all unloving behaviours. I have FOUND my heart and ability to love …. Congratulations to all my loved ones 😉
I Lost Time
I wasted a lot of time last year! Time is a precious commodity that I took for granted. Time was wasted overthinking things and making mountains out of molehills – all of which have proven to be so insignificant less than a year on. I also spent a lot of time talking about the things I wanted to do rather than investing time into actually doing them! In 2018 I basically graduated with a BSc in Procrastination.
I won’t beat myself up though because I think I needed this period to just reflect and work on myself [in my head .. thinking, overthinking, and evaluating ME].
I am in such a good place in my life right now where everything is finally making sense and coming together. I have FOUND a better sense of who I am and what I am working towards in life. With this feeling comes the ability to be able to set measurable goals and targets which align with the woman I am and the woman I am seeking to become in 2019.
Outfit Details Are Linked Below
Top – Pretty Little Thing
Cycling Shorts – Pretty Little Thing
Bag & Boots – Zara [surprise surprise they are not on the website but bought recently]